More on the Plan

So far the plan has not been strictly followed. I exercised for about 2 hours the first day. Yesterday it rained the entire day and I simply found the idea of going outside intolerable. I did manage to get some things done though. Today was a different story. I basically slept the entire day. I don't know why I needed to but apparently I did. It's funny. I slept an extra 4 hours today and I'm still tired at 11.45 pm. I didn't think it possible.

Food is still a strange thing to me. I have all the tendencies in the world toward binging. Hell I even do binge. However I'm getting nothing from the experience any longer. It really makes me wonder why people continue to do this sort of thing. Perhaps they never deal with what they need to deal with. I'm still very tended toward addictiveness. I still think about sex addictively. I still think about food like an addict yet when I participate in these activities they no longer hold the same "payoff" they once did. It's almost sad really but I guess that's what happens when I move on.

It feels really strange to move on. I mean I'm pushing 40 years old and in a couple years I'll be pushing it very hard and I still have no fucking idea what I truly want. I thought I did and I thought I wanted to do it with other people. The other people I chose to do things with were fucking flakes, so that's a no go. It's all on me. I don't feel like I need motivation from outside sources any longer. All I have to do is look at my daughter and feel like I want to get something done.

Anyway, more on the plan, tomorrow I'm going to get up, do a ball workout and then head out for a walk. I'm going to either go and hit some balls at the tennis court against the wall or see if my wife will play with me.

For breakfast I'm going to have a raw soaked granola with frozen cherries. I like that a lot. For lunch we're going to have more of that "crab cake" pate on cabbage. That was seriously good stuff. Then I'm going to make a watercress salad to go along with it. For dinner I'm going to make a pumpkin curry soup thing with butternut squash, and lemonade. We'll dip pizza bread in the soup and have some marinated greens as well.

The next few days look good weather wise so the exercise thing won't be a problem because of that.

More on today... it was strange.. all that sleep I mean. When I finally woke up I felt like I just didn't have time to do the things I wanted to get done. What happened instead was that I got done what I absolutely needed and then flaked off at night... took part in some activities and watched two dramatic episodes of the modern Battlestar Galactica. Yes, my life is truly inspirational. Time to go inspire!