It seems that that we all live some lie or another. Whether or not it's a lack of faith, or an abundance of it, a life of adultery, addiction, laziness, control or extortion we all find ourselves in some form of moral destruction.
I have many. I'm horribly addicted to food. I'm afraid to live. I'm frightened of my path in life. I used to be addicted to sex. Now I just love my wife. That's an interesting feeling for me, because now she's getting old. Sometimes she really shows it. Like tonight, I looked upon her and I saw age their. I saw pale skin hanging loosely from the bones of her face. Her eyes looked sullen and tired. I look upon her now and I'm sad, mainly because I have not chosen to live until recently and I sincerely missed almost a decade of her life as I chose to mire myself in my own personal shit.
Now I move beyond. With heartburn I look to move past the old edges of my life and to find a new path. I'm on that path and I will stay there as best as I can for the rest of my life. I feel it in my bones. The greatest tragedy of my life is my lack of decision to live. I succumbed to addiction and pain and never looked beyond my immediate pain. I don't feel like my life is an open wound any longer with emotional salt being poured on top. It still hurts sometimes but now I begin to look ahead and feel hope. It's time to grow my garden. I am growing my garden right now.
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